Regrets

I regret things almost everyday but today my self-condemnation is quite overwhelming.

Fuck off socmed. Youre killing me inside.

Yup. I saw achievements of others. One of them is my old friend. Why old friend? Because we were so close back in foundation studies era, I can call her my ex-bff. Things happened so we are no longer close. I do believe part of them is me. I suck at friendships so I dont have any close friends anymore now. That is one thing that makes me feeling regretful, everyday. 

Guess what else Im sucking at? 

Everything..

Anyways, in her post, she went to travel overseas for work. I dont envy her. Never once. I am proud of her. She deserves everything that she achieves now since shes been working hard. She’s got brains. 

So if theres no jealousy involved? Why am I writing this?

Because I feel like shit. If only I could turn back the time then probably I would turn to when I was 18 or maybe 8 or maybe toddler or I wish I just never existed. 

I was a slow learner, well still am. Still remember how I just couldnt grasp anything back in kindergarten. I just cant understand anything. Now that I am a mother. I think I was an autistic and maybe was a colic baby, a severe one since my mom kept complaining about me being a non-stop crying baby and that she had difficulty giving birth to me and taking care of me after delivering. 

There are a lot of things to write but I am cooking lunch now. I will continue if I feel like to. But for now to sum up, I just feel worthless and I am worthless since I was born






Comments

Post a Comment

Cakap yang baik-baik sahaja

Popular posts from this blog

driving is exciting

Image
for an amateur, like me. yeah. just got back from bando, accompanied my mom merayau-rayau there. uhuks. no, go to her customer's and tailor(s)' houses. maklumlah saleswoman~  then mentekadaroh jap at new restaurant @ Bentong Prima.  you know Bentong Prima,  dont ya? lulz. so, when dah nak sampai our housing, she asked me to drive pulek. as usual~ of course i didnt reluctant hihihi bcs driving izz exciting.  and i pun drove lah melelong-lelong, nearly hit a bunch of Chinese who were going home setelah penat beraya (cukup-cukup la berayanya dok?), came across police car, kete mampuih tengah jalan, and.. that's it.  hihi.. that's usually happened. except for the-nearly-hit- n came across police car..  this is not my first time i drive my mom's Kaynchill home.  ok when we almost reached home, the makcik which is our neighbour saw us, when i was trying to park the car, dengan actionnya. namun,tak berjaya pun parking dengan betul, so my mom...
click here

spoiler

Image
so, kelmarin (isnin), my classmates and I were being told that our BTQ's lecturer will not be here on this Wednesday and Thursday (hari-hari yang ada BTQ) and he, the lecturer, asked us to do our presentation, tonight and it somehow gave my goosebumps as the lecturer seems so demand on professional-like presentation. goosebump2 pun prepare at eleventh hour gak. aku prepared right few hours before the presentation. supoh setereh mak noks. dalam pukul 5 lebih (ptg la) macam tu. malam tu, dah sampai kelas, waktu tu tak ramai org lagi. sir tanya "can we start now?"  "yes yes" my grpmate jawab. aku dengan spoiler agak menggelupur jugak lah.  I told her I havent prepared well yet, but I didnt really care about being the first group sbb lagi awal, lagi lega. but the problem was, i didn't memorize any of what Ive written on my notes and all the contents were scattered around like I'm such an unorganized person, because I didn't know what is the to...
click here

worry ends

Don't be saddened by what you see By all the lies and treachery Life is cruel but don't worry In your heart lies the key To unwind all the secrets Of this life we see When you feel you've lost it all When you don't know who's your friend or foe You wonder why you're so alone Worry ends when faith begins Don't be sad by what you see It's true life has its miseries But one thing's always worked for me Worry ends when faith begins Don't be saddened by what you see I know life can be crazy A showcase of hypocrisy In the form of piety It's just one big mystery For you and me When you feel you've lost it all When you don't know who's your friend or foe You wonder what you're so alone Worry ends when faith begins Don't be sad by what you see It's true life has its miseries But one thing's always worked for me Worry ends when faith begins I found my peace ...
click here