spoiler

so, kelmarin (isnin), my classmates and I were being told that our BTQ's lecturer will not be here on this Wednesday and Thursday (hari-hari yang ada BTQ) and he, the lecturer, asked us to do our presentation, tonight and it somehow gave my goosebumps as the lecturer seems so demand on professional-like presentation. goosebump2 pun prepare at eleventh hour gak. aku prepared right few hours before the presentation. supoh setereh mak noks. dalam pukul 5 lebih (ptg la) macam tu.

malam tu, dah sampai kelas, waktu tu tak ramai org lagi. sir tanya "can we start now?" 

"yes yes" my grpmate jawab.

aku dengan spoiler agak menggelupur jugak lah. I told her I havent prepared well yet, but I didnt really care about being the first group sbb lagi awal, lagi lega. but the problem was, i didn't memorize any of what Ive written on my notes and all the contents were scattered around like I'm such an unorganized person, because I didn't know what is the topic I'm going to present about. 

as expected, i screwed it up. i was dissapointed that I should have put more effort on organizing the contents as sir said that I brought up a topic which can be said as a core of the topic, LEGALITY OF ABORTION, laik ow eym jiy~ i feel dissapointed with myself, to the max.

pastu, duduk balik. aku memang dah cukup frustrated waktu tuh until i heard my name was being mentioned by some girls at the back and i turned my head to their position and stared at their faces and asked "apa?" but then they buat tak tau and talked with the spoiler, i turned my head to spoiler. She was saying sth that was unhearable and i asked my grpmate who sat beside me to clarify it, and she said "spoiler kata kau LOST" 

gila la kau kalau tak berapi. kawan sendiri cakap macam tu. just bcs dia dapat present smoothly, siap kena puji dengan sir, boleh la cakap kawan sendiri LOST weii. *sigh*

bergurau? haram jad gurau cenggitu. "terima kasih. tak baik, tlg la jangan suka menyakitkan hati org" i said that to her and hope she understands those words. sungguh, sangat terasa. dan most pathetic thing was when aku tak dapat tahan air mata aku untuk keluar waktu tuh. so terpaksa cover mcm pondey. sangat menyeksakan.

and it's undeniable, she's way too judgemental at times, sbb ingat aku ni hot-tempered. she made fun of me when i was mad. padahal aku marah kalau ada sebab, for instance, kena hadap kawan yg macam dia. ugh. dah banyak kali aku terasa, but aku biar. malas nak fikir, until now. praying that she will turn out better. aameen.

I only stated the situations so briefly and i have so many other things in my mind to be typed out here in details but i got class at 9 tmrw, so.. mornight 

#updated: i got rid of all the parts i wrote regarding my ex-roommate cuz I've sought of her forgiveness for writing about her here. she said she forgave me. Alhamdulillah I'm forgiven (inshaaAllah aameen i really hope so). I striked through the rest of the parts cuz I even almost forgot what the spoiler.. (nu-uhh she's not a spoiler, she was just being herself, active and loud, she's my friend).. has done and said about me. she's a nice gal anyways, back then and now. aku dah tak kesah dan maafkan dia lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa dah. well, bila baca balik entry nih aku pun menyampah kat diri sendiri, salah sendiri sebab tak well-prepared pastu bila org jentik sikit, dah koyak pastu merabak kat blog. bodoh namanya tuh.. macam anonymous kat bawah ni cakap. thank you anon. i don't care (bcs probably i know) who you are, i repeat, i admit that it was my fault, for not being prepared. i dont blame anyone anymore. i didn't even mention the spoiler's and my ex-roommate's names though, n i even said sorry to her n hoped that she forgives me. no butthurt. if you think you're related to any of them or even both of them, well, forgive me. all in all, what you give you get back, lessons learnt. thank you so much for everything, friend :) 

here's a gift. 
for u and for myself...