Siti Hazi

Dalam entry sebelum ni aku tulis how I wish I have a job padahal sebelum ni betapa taknaknya aku kerja. It was like my motivation is all gone especially when I was working as Customer Service. I was this close 🤏🏻 to quit but thank God due to corona me n almost all of my colleagues have been terminated since company tak dapat tampung gaji weolls. So, tak sempat la nak quit, da kena buang. When I was working, I remember how stressful and unhappy I was despite gaji masyuk. Even money didn't motivate me. Aku jenis cepat stress n bila aku tak suka kerja tu, aku tak perform. Kadang-kadang terpaksa tunjuk function. Aku tak faham how my colleagues complain a lot but still do their best dengan penuh semangat despite how unpleasant that job was. I wish I can be like them.  You know working makes me feel how incompetent I am, to be working. Haha. Yeah. Any type of job. I don't think I'd perform well based on my experience of working before. Sebab aku mmg tak boleh stress, aku tak su

Yesterday was my birthday. 29th October. No matter how immature I think it is, I can't help to expect people to give me wishes, gifts, surprise or anything related to celebrating my birthday. One day prior to my birthday, I kept telling myself to lower my expectations or just don't expect anything, because you don't really deserve it. But ntahlah. I can't control myself.  Aku da agak yang mak tak ingat birthday aku, so aku tak kisah. Tak expect pun untuk mak ingat. Bila kakak aku wish, mak pun wish la. And aku dah agak yang husband aku pun tak ingat jugak lol. Kalau dia ingat, dia dah wish tengah malam 29hb tu, tapi tak. Dia busy kerja. And aku dah expect yang dia tak belikan pape or book surprise delivery ke apa sebab kan dia lupa. Even aku dah inform dia birthday aku bila beberapa hari sebelum tu ayoyo. Lagipun, aku tau dia kurang rajin nak buat benda gitu sebab ada apa dengan birthday? Tak kisah sangat. Dia pun mintak maaf, sebab tak buat apa-apa, lepas tengok storie

Sementara aku ingat better aku tulis. I'm getting much more forgetful nowadays. Banyak urat putus. Aku punya due bersalin 4/9/2021. Masuk wad 3/9/2021 sbb aku GDM on diet control n kena induce. GDM tu diabetes ketika hamil so tak boleh  bersalin lebih due date utk elakkan komplikasi kpd ibu, anak & proses kelahiran spt baby besar. So disebabkan baby terlampau happy duduk dlm perut, aku di admit utk di induce (paksa bersalin). Hari pertama kat wad 3/9 takde apa sgt siang tu.  Just masukkan branula, check CTG (graf jantung baby), check BP n jantung baby (nurse round few times per day dgn mesin). Aku admit around 11. So dpt la lunch, snacking, dinner. Aku suka je makanan hospital. Sedap. Roti planta kosong pun sedap tak tipu.  Haritu jugak doc buat scan perut. Check keadaan baby. All ok except for doc kata ketuban aku cam kurang. Dia tanya aku ketuban keluar ke. Aku kata tak sure, sbb mlm sblm aku keluar keputihan je. So

Back in January 2021, aku dpt rasa something wong with my body. Baru je 4 hari lewat period. Aku try je la guna UPT tu. Lebih kpd curious sebenarnya. Nak tau cane guna n tah2 betul aku ngandung ke kan.  So seawal subuh aku check UPT, ni tips ye, nak guna pregnancy test, seeloknya kencing yg pertama. Bangun pagi tu korang kencing then check UPT sbb HCG level tgh remarkable waktu tu. Tadaaaa ini result nya. Double line. Aku cam ok da agak. Tbh kitorang bukan pejuang dua garis. Tak ttc. Tapi, rezeki Allah nak bagi. Alhamdulillah. Aku pun bagitau la suami aku. Dia happy la kot n peluk aku. So kitorang pun xOxO. Aku tak bother nak check guna UPT lain sbb dah yakin pregnant cuma tggu lg 2 minggu gitu kot utk gi klinik nak sahkan.  Aku balik kampung. Check kat KK kampung, alhamdulillah confirm pregnant. Diorang buat UPT test yg sama jugak. Aku tanya misi KK bila kena buat buku pink, aku dgr dia misi tu cakap, 12minggu nanti boleh bukak. Aku pun, ok. Aku pun mengharungi hidup spt b