Friendlessness

Yesterday was my birthday. 29th October. No matter how immature I think it is, I can't help to expect people to give me wishes, gifts, surprise or anything related to celebrating my birthday. One day prior to my birthday, I kept telling myself to lower my expectations or just don't expect anything, because you don't really deserve it. But ntahlah. I can't control myself. 

Aku da agak yang mak tak ingat birthday aku, so aku tak kisah. Tak expect pun untuk mak ingat. Bila kakak aku wish, mak pun wish la. And aku dah agak yang husband aku pun tak ingat jugak lol. Kalau dia ingat, dia dah wish tengah malam 29hb tu, tapi tak. Dia busy kerja. And aku dah expect yang dia tak belikan pape or book surprise delivery ke apa sebab kan dia lupa. Even aku dah inform dia birthday aku bila beberapa hari sebelum tu ayoyo. Lagipun, aku tau dia kurang rajin nak buat benda gitu sebab ada apa dengan birthday? Tak kisah sangat. Dia pun mintak maaf, sebab tak buat apa-apa, lepas tengok stories aku, nampak aku dapat pavlova, lotus biscoff n kfc. Oh btw, pavlova tu aku beli sendiri sbb nak tunggu org bagi, mmg sampai ke tua tak dapat, sbb takde sape tau aku suka pavlova (maybe). Lotus tu kakak ipar n fambam (abang de aku) yang order, ada org COD. KFC kakak aku order. Alhamdulillah.

Yang aku kisah sebenarnya, kawan-kawan aku yang tahu birthday aku tapi tak wish lol. Tahpape kan? Aku dah besar kot. Tapi tu lah. Aku post gambar n story kat IG noting my birthday. I checked who viewed my stories (yes I'm that kind of person) and there were 'friends' who have seen it but jangan kata Whatsapp, wish dekat dm IG pun tidak weh. I mean, we're friends, right? Memang lah kita dah tak contact on daily basis, but, we were close jugak. Our friendship was to that extent, bukannya hanya kenalan. 

I have few cliques and got Whatsapp group for each. You know I keep them updated about my big events through those groups. I informed them when I was about to get engaged, married, got pregnant and when I was warded for labor back then. But, they didn't do the same. Aku tau pun melalui IG stories. Meaning that if aku tak tengok stories, aku tak tau pape pun. Lately, aku cuba limitkan tengok stories orang sbb aku taknak rasa down taknak feel even more useless n lifeless. Rupanya, mmg kena tengok jugak ek utk keep myself updated. 

I know it's unnecessary to be offended because who am I? But still, idk. I wish I have a job now and renew my life. Shangrox.